My Journey to the Washington D.C. DMV

This morning I went to the DC DMV to finally get my local license. Given that I've been here since the new year, it's probably time.

I went to the “nearest” one. I work at 4th and D, and they have one at 3rd and C (right across the street) from one of the doors to my building. So I get sent to the next nearest one – 95 M street SW.

After waiting in line, I discover that yes I do have the correct paperwork. However, I am at the incorrect location. They only have 1 location that deals with foreign nationals, and that's at 3222 M street NW.

So I trek over to Georgetown in rush hour (so much for getting there early).

I stand in line, and am given my number.

I finally make it to the counter – complete the paperwork, get entered into the DC system, and surrender my VA license (which promptly gets shredded right before my eyes).

No worries though eh?

I get another number, wait in line, pay my fee and get (you guessed it) another number. I then wait in line to get my picture taken.

Once my picture is taken, I receive my new shiny DC license within 3 minutes (this guy is efficient).

Unfortunately, it no longer has “class M” on there.

So I go back to the front, wait in line, explain that I need my motorcycle endorsement as well.

They give me another number, I wait, and go to the counter.

“You have to get a learner's permit,” the troll behind the counter tells me.
“But I have one, I just surrendered it – look – my license is dated today.”
“But it's not in the system,” she/it smugly retorts.
“Right, if it was, we wouldn't be talking – so I need to get my motorcycle permit.”
“You have to take the written, get a learner's permit and then do a road test,”
WTF!

So I go back to the front, get another number, wait in line, take my road test, get a perfect score, get yet another number, wait in line, pay my $20, get yet another number, and go back to the picture guy.

I'm trying to schedule my road test now. It's a 48 minute wait on the phone, but they have an online scheduling system...

Failure

Today I had a new experience.

I failed a test..

The test was a pre-test for an instructor course I was invited to take so I could be an Vehicle Rescue - Extrication instructor for the Virginia Dept of Fire Programs.

I took the morning off work and I drove out to Leesburg from DC this morning, studied for a couple more hours to make sure I was wired tight. Then I took the test - I need 80% or greater to pass.

64%

When I got home and checked my email - this email came while I was in transit out to Loudoun...

"Chris,

We had to cancel the TTT because of lack of students. I will definitely keep you in mind for future Vehicle TTT.

Mark"

*sigh*

Why I could never work for SAIC

This was in part of the email:
So today I received an email from a recruiter from SAIC.

Please be advised, that prior to an employment offer:

[snip]

2. You will be asked to sign a Mutual Arbitration Agreement at your new employee orientation the day you start.

[snip]

Would any of the above present a problem for you as a candidate for employment with SAIC?

Wow.

Why on earth would I want to take a job with a company that requires me sacrifice my legal rights for a judge and/or jury trial as a pre-condition to work for them. While I realize that this is highly unlikely, any company that insists on a person surrendering their legals rights for the privilege of working for them can go do some thing that is anatomically impossible.

Stroke it!

So with spring finally (?) here, I've decided I need to get outside more often and do some fun non-fire department related things.

I'm going to get back into rowing. I used to do this back in college in Cambridge, when I lived in Chicago and when I first moved to the metro area in Alexandria.

The mornings killed me though - having to be at the boathouse at 0445 to unlock the doors (the toils of coaching) sucked big floppy donkey dick.

Happily, there is a boathouse only 3 miles away. They also have an evening programme that will work with my random fire/rescue schedule.

Finally, an excuse to wear lycra shorts in public again!

The fire gods mock me

Why do they mock me?

Well, a few months ago I was transferred to another crew because they were desperate for drivers. This is obvious simply because I was selected to go.

A bit of background. I do enjoy driving fire engines. It's fun, and even bullshit calls are good because I get to make loud siren noises (with the siren) and blow the airhorn.

Unfortunately, I want to spend more time in the back of the engine doing the actual firefighting.

It would seem that the station's apparatus feel the same way.

I've had a bad run of luck. Since I started driving:

- hit the bay door by driving through it when it wasn't up all the way with Wagon 11. This is DESPITE the red/green go/don't go lights beside the door.
- had a broken valve stem on a tire on Engine 11. Fire trucks with flat tires = bad.
- transmission failure on Wagon 18.

My next shift?

I'm back in the back.

Drive through slurpees

It's 230am on a Thursday night.

A car drives into the front window of the local 7/11. Shatters the glass, fragments spill into the store.

No one gets hurt.

Moments later, 3 fire apparatus, 1 ambulance, 1 command vehicle and about 5 or 6 police cars are all there, lights flashing away like a bad acid trip or a 1990's English rave.

Get this.

People *still* tried to go into the store to buy their smokes.

*boggle*

Baldgit's Tip of the Day

UPDATED: I know have pics. Courtesy Jonathan Hickman. Copyright 2008, all rights reserved, Used with permission sorta.

Anyway, the tip of the day:

Don't heat cans of spraypaint on your stove in the kitchen. Otherwise the following shall occur:

1) they explode
2) a brief flash fire will occur
3) the back walls of your house will move off the foundation almost 2 feet.
4) charred paint will cover a lot of your kitchen
5) a whole lot of fire trucks will arrive
6) your neighbours will learn what a retard you are

I ran this call on my first night on my new crew. it was very interesting - we initially though this was a meth lab gone bad, but nope - just a classic case of


"hold my beer, watch this."

At least they didn't put them in the microwave.

Acrimony

Given the myriad of highly annoying events in my world the last few months, I'm taking a step back and taking a bit of a breather.

This means, if you don't hear from me for the next little while - it's nothing personal.

Unless, of course, you're the source of some of my angst. In which case, it's very personal. :)

The Curse of Chris

So I've decided I am cursed.

If I:

1) buy stocks in your company - you will almost certainly be delisted. Consider my recent loving with Vonage.

2) Come work on your project - the project will likely be canceled - despite the written funding guarantee for the next several years.

Today I went for my weekly pointless cabal of fools meeting at the company I'm working with. We found out this morning that the guy we all work for at the gov't was canned. Not promoted, not moved. Canned.

Which means that I am likely to be for the chop myself sometime soon. Us evil sub-contractors are usually the first to go when companies circle the wagon.

Thankfully I have another offer out there, we're just waiting on the Gov't paperwork.

Ugh.

The world so far

Well I'm happy to announce I'm finally unpacked. Though looking around my place feels like it's from a West Elm catalogue. So I guess I still need to personalize it a little more.

The last round of fire classes finished a few weeks ago, and the students had their graduation a few night ago. That was fun, and I'm proud of the students. Despite our best efforts, they passed and become quite proficient with basic firefighting skills. I'm also happy to say that I did really well with my student evaluations. I'm glad my efforts were both effective and appreciated.

I took January off from the fire station to get my world unpacked and organized. This Saturday I'll be back on Engine 18 for 24 hours. Will be fun as always.

I'm also trying unsuccessfully to not get promoted at my station. The Chiefs seem determined to get me moving up the ladder regardless of my own personal wishes. "For the good of the whole company."

Hell, if that's the case I should only be allowed on the Canteen unit.

Furious book clubs

Now that I'm back in civilization, I have been able to pursue some venues to quench my thirst for intelligent discourse, quick wit and repartee. What's this you ask? Why don't I get this at work or at the fire department?

Well, I largely work from home. Should I be found debating with myself, it's a small step to joing the crazy people outside on the street between my building and the Chinatown arch.

As far as the fire department goes, while there are undoubtedly brilliant people (they are an exception), any attempts at witty banter usually end with the vanquished promising to "kick some Canadian ass". Not really the crowd I'm looking for.

So I found myself at a bookclub the other day. Much to my surprised, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The book was Fury - by Salman Rushdie. Unfortunately I didn't have time to read the book (I joined only a day or two prior to the meeting), but I went anyway.

The group was a rather eclectic gathering of DCites. There were some govvies, computer nerds, aspiring writers and even some military folks. A fairly accurate cross-section of DC in fact.

The discussion was surprising non-pretentious, thought provoking and meaningful. They talked about the book for a hour or so, then some us went to imbibe some barley based beverages. This too was also good.

I learned a couple things the other night.

1) my opinion of Rushdie's random writing style is also held by others
2) it's possible to have literary discourse without pomp and pretension
3) I'm glad I moved to DC.

Next month's book: The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell.

I'm looking forward to it.

New Year, New Beginnings

2 weeks ago, I left suburban hell and moved into the heart of DC. Right smack in the middle of Chinatown.

So far I'm loving it. I'm on the top floor of a fairly new condo building, with an awesome view of the capitol building and the washington monument.

The move, however, was a complete nightmare. Movers canceling, people not showing up, damaged goods from movers etc. If it could go wrong, it did. I also had to move some of my favourite toys (pool table and such) into storage. My poor motorcycle is parked at the firehouse until I sort out where to park it here. Ugh.


As you can see, there were many boxes. It's hard to go from around 6k square footage to just over 1k.

Nonethess, badass view. The roof has a nice pool, built in gas grills and such. 4th of July fireworks at my place baby!



So this year I'll actually try to post. I didn't post a whole lot last year - it was such a crappy year overall I couldn't be bothered. I did spend some time posting to my spoof response to one of my fire student's blog. He has an excellent writing style (though I'll never again admit it publicly) and talks about things other than the usual dull fire / rescue nonsense.

With that, I wish you a happy new year and let's see what happens in 2008.

Coming up for air soon

There are many many things going on in my world at the moment. Some good, some excrementous. Among the good - I switched stations. Now I run at Sterling Fire where I'm having a great time with some good friends. We've put out fires, saved some lives, lost some and been generally busy. MUCH better than the other place I was at. The organization is super professional as well.

Meanwhile, I've landed a very short term contract (a few weeks) wherein I have to do a detailed technical architecture for all of Health and Human Services (includes NIH, CDC and many other gov't orgs) for their Identity Management solution. It's an interesting problem because a) the prime on the contract provided an architecture with no information, b) each of the organizations within HHS do their own thing, and c) the rough draft is due friday and the final submission is next week. I've been working every day solid. Last night, for example, I went to bed this morning around 6am. Got enough sleep to be vaguely coherent for my 830 conference call where I got to explain my midnight ramblings.

fun stuff. more of the same today.

more on life later.

bald in the news

well there is much to report in my world, and i'll update this once i'm done all my homework which is due on sunday.

but here's a clip of me in the news fighting a big outside fire. the best part of the fires was putting out fires in my former first due. that was tasty.

apparently the fire marshall who is investigating this fire wants everyone there to fill out an 'exposure form' - though details as to what precisely i was exposed to is not forthcoming.

i do suspect that it was not a pair of random scantily clad lindsey lohan clones.

I'm back.

and I wish i wasn't. Hate to say it - but I love and miss the UK terribly. I want to move back.

had a fun trips - lots of neat pics. I'll post an update with pics later in the next day or two.

Farewell cruel world!

So it's time to go to London.

(not my home town, but the original one)

Back next week.

I can just taste the real ale and fish n chips now!

*drool*

Allergies

In addition to being one of the most accident prone people in the history of man, I also have allergies.

This season my head, sinuses and ears are all swollen and feeling like i've been beaten by a deificus phallus suppolitor sanctifico (sacred rubber dildo of the gods).

I was supposed to have my ER (emergency room) rotation today for my EMT class. My last one was fun (but pretty uneventful). Instead, i'm home with a headache and my nose is running more than a lone altar boy at a remote monastery.

Today life sucks.

I hate tree sperm.

Teeth update

so last night i go the dentist - time to finally get my veneer installed and stop looking like an organic can opener.

i arrive, sit in the chair, the dentist gets the tooth...

'oh dear,' he says.

'?,' i inquire.

'the tooth is the wrong colour. we'll have to reorder it.'

so in 3 more weeks this saga will hopefully be over. meanwhile, the dentist at least gave me 'something' to fill in the area where i only have a small portion of my top front tooth. it's similar to a piece of chewing gum that is wedged in place, but is enamel hard. not as obvious.

maybe now my friends will stop making banjo noises when i walk in the room.

Drama at the station....

So on Sunday, April 29 - duty crew started out to be ideal. good weather, good briefing at the beginning of the shift, as some fun yet tiring training. we all returned to the station (after training) tired, hungry yet quite happy.

that's when the excrement collided with the rotary oscillator.

i can't (won't) do into all the details - as there is still a possibility i might press criminal charges, and the internal investigation is underway. meanwhile, i've taken leave until the end of the investigation and/or my emt class finishes - whichever is the latter.

meanwhile - my redhats - who knows who is training them and working with them. i hate that they are the collateral damage.

in the last week or so - i've learned some things:

1) you can write a complaint against someone, yet because you choose (at the time) not to press criminal charges- the 'defendant' (if you will) is still active operationally.
2) we have no by-laws / SOPs for situations like this - this is bad.
3) i've been assured that an investigation will happen, but i might not be told of the conclusions / actions taken (if indeed any are taken).
4) when you write a complaint against someone, you're lucky that you're not under discinplinary action yourself
5) i'm privileged to work with the redhat program, even though (on my own initiave, without any formal direction from anyone) i started it, manage it, run it, and once it was operational - it was 'officially' blessed like it was someone else's brainchild.
6) i had to threaten to quit in order to get time off.
7) i have no news as to what is happening regarding the investigation - again - if indeed something is happening
8) the feeling of sheer betrayal by an organization i have devoted so much time / energy to is very profound and is affecting me in unexpected ways.
9) if the station doesn't go public with a strong statement along the lines of "the actions/behaviours of ________ are not tolerated and have done ______ to ensure that such things do not occur in the future.' - they are in fact complicit in the actions. it's kinda like sexual harassment - if something happens in your organization, and you do nothing - you're open to a whole world of legal shit.

so after learning these things - these are my options...

1) continue to try to be the adult and have some faith that the station will do 'the right thing' (whatever that ends of being). Downside of this is it requires time and a lot of faith in our leadership that right now i do not have.

2) press criminal charges. shitty for the person who would be on the receiving end, but then they did the things they did, not me. also shitty as both the county and the press will hear of this and it would be very ugly. plus i don't want to be the guy who grasses on people. the theory is in the fire service we take care of shit internally. of course, this implies that we will actually take care of shit.

3) do nothing. this means that the behaviours/actions of ___________ will continue to go unchecked, and someone else will be the victim. and i do very strongly believe that this behaviour will continue - there is a long history of it.

4) leave the fire service. while this would give me ample free time, i would get bored and frankly i love it far too much.

5) go to another station. i'm seriously considering this one. given my confidence/trust for my station leadership is at a (justifiable) all time low, it might be the best option. i like to think i'll be man enough to wait for option 1 to play itself out prior to making any decisions.

6) civil action. this depends on the outcome of option 1, but sometimes you need the threat of lawyers to get organizations to change. heck - look at corporate america.

i swear, there is more drama in the fire service than with a group of jr high 90210 girls.

Done!

So despite having to start our group project from scratch and redoing it in 10 days, and the 3rd (yet highly useless) guy in the group dropping out just under 28 hours before the final presentation - fire instructor ii is finished.

the exam has to be the worst written exam in the history of my history. the exam focused on two areas that were not covered in the class - in fact, one was budgeting (an instructor iii level topic) and the other was on a chart in the corner of one of the pages. the class marks were from 76-82% (50 question exam). I got my lowest score ever at 76. but, of the 17 ppl who started the journey, i was among the 5 who passed.

ugh.